Have you
ever met someone and before they opened their mouth to speak, you concluded for
no reason that you didn’t like them? Or have you found yourself, doing that
very same thing you had promised yourself time and time again, you would not
do?
Too many times, we fight the wrong opponents in our life battles. Most
times, we beat ourselves up for our mistakes instead of really thinking deep to
figure out what exactly that problem is feeding off of.
I had a
friend once who just found every reason to be mad at me. I never quite
understood why, until one day she made a comment that I behaved like her dad. I
had prior knowledge that she had major issues with him and this helped me put
things into perspective with regards to her behavior. I also have acted out in this same manner several times but now, I have come to be more sensitive in these matters.
My new disposition now is to skip the top and get to the bottom of the uneasiness facing me.
The thing
is disputes are often off shoots of deep-rooted/foundational past experiences
or mindsets no one is paying attention to but yet is controlling the behavior
of an individual. Whenever something closely related to this past occurrence
presents itself in a new form, such an individual is likely to react in a way
he or she cannot control. Their reaction usually un-understandable to them is
often a by-product of the seed of the past planted in their heart which usually they are unaware of.
You may be
fighting with someone whose real problem is abandonment, childhood
insecurities, abuse, low self-esteem, inflamed self-esteem etc. These issues
are endless. The sad part is because they are unseen, they usually go
unnoticed. So what you have is someone who has daddy issues marrying someone
old enough to be her father. Not because she loves him but because her father
was never really there to fill the void inside her. What you have is men whose
mother’s have substituted their husbands place with them, still clinching onto
the skirts of their mother’s to the great dismay of their wives.
Too many
times, people are in marriages trying to apply band aids to broken limps, with
the hopes to at least cover the problem even if they cannot fix it.
I usually
say this, though hard to hear it’s very true. If someone is not ready or willing
to accept they have a problem which needs to be dealt with, then there really
is no solution that can work. Solutions are only attached to problems and since
in the person’s mind there is no problem, it then goes to say, there’s no
solution.
In a
marriage where people are dealing with a cheating spouse, an irresponsible
parent, indiscipline and other fundamental character flaws, the question you really need to answer is "where exactly did this problem birth from?”
The
beautiful thing is as believer’s we have the Holy Spirit. God loves us to much
to leave us the same way He met us. This is why He gave to us the Holy Spirit.
One thing the Holy Spirit does is to shine light on those areas that need to be
dealt with; those areas you want to hide and not give anyone access to. When he
does this, He dispells the darkness inherent in those places and gives us His
life instead.
The best
way to deal with those deep-rooted problems is to pray for God to shine His
light on it. When you pray this, God would grant you
knowledge on the source of the problem. Take this knowledge back to him in
prayer and begin to specifically address the key issues in what you are facing.
This is how you heal a broken limb.
There
really is no problem that cannot be solved. The issue really is, have you
recognized it’s a problem yet.
Love over
fear.
Wow. I'm wondering why I haven't come across your blog before now. Christian youths need to read this and learn. Great work Ibukun
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