The Real Issue



Have you ever met someone and before they opened their mouth to speak, you concluded for no reason that you didn’t like them? Or have you found yourself, doing that very same thing you had promised yourself time and time again, you would not do? 

Too many times, we fight the wrong opponents in our life battles. Most times, we beat ourselves up for our mistakes instead of really thinking deep to figure out what exactly that problem is feeding off of.

I had a friend once who just found every reason to be mad at me. I never quite understood why, until one day she made a comment that I behaved like her dad. I had prior knowledge that she had major issues with him and this helped me put things into perspective with regards to her behavior. I also have acted out in this same manner several times but now, I have come to be more sensitive in these matters. My new disposition now is to skip the top and get to the bottom of the uneasiness facing me.

The thing is disputes are often off shoots of deep-rooted/foundational past experiences or mindsets no one is paying attention to but yet is controlling the behavior of an individual. Whenever something closely related to this past occurrence presents itself in a new form, such an individual is likely to react in a way he or she cannot control. Their reaction usually un-understandable to them is often a by-product of the seed of the past planted in their heart which usually they are unaware of.

You may be fighting with someone whose real problem is abandonment, childhood insecurities, abuse, low self-esteem, inflamed self-esteem etc. These issues are endless. The sad part is because they are unseen, they usually go unnoticed. So what you have is someone who has daddy issues marrying someone old enough to be her father. Not because she loves him but because her father was never really there to fill the void inside her. What you have is men whose mother’s have substituted their husbands place with them, still clinching onto the skirts of their mother’s to the great dismay of their wives.

Too many times, people are in marriages trying to apply band aids to broken limps, with the hopes to at least cover the problem even if they cannot fix it.

I usually say this, though hard to hear it’s very true. If someone is not ready or willing to accept they have a problem which needs to be dealt with, then there really is no solution that can work. Solutions are only attached to problems and since in the person’s mind there is no problem, it then goes to say, there’s no solution.

In a marriage where people are dealing with a cheating spouse, an irresponsible parent, indiscipline and other fundamental character flaws, the question you really need to answer is "where exactly did this problem birth from?”

The beautiful thing is as believer’s we have the Holy Spirit. God loves us to much to leave us the same way He met us. This is why He gave to us the Holy Spirit. One thing the Holy Spirit does is to shine light on those areas that need to be dealt with; those areas you want to hide and not give anyone access to. When he does this, He dispells the darkness inherent in those places and gives us His life instead.

The best way to deal with those deep-rooted problems is to pray for God to shine His light on it. When you pray this, God would grant you knowledge on the source of the problem. Take this knowledge back to him in prayer and begin to specifically address the key issues in what you are facing. This is how you heal a broken limb.

There really is no problem that cannot be solved. The issue really is, have you recognized it’s a problem yet.


Love over fear.

Love Life and Marriage

Author, Script Writer and Blogger on love, life and marriages. I believe our society would be a healthier place when people honour the right perspective of marriage.