No Longer on “The Matter”



I love the way God changes my posts after I have typed it up. I wanted to write something short an Instagram until I realized there was more that I had to say…. voila a new blog post.

So I have been single for 3.5 years now but hey, who’s counting. I had no idea, I’ll be single for this long. In fact, when my last relationship ended, I strongly believed that God had someone else for me immediately but alas, newsflash. My loving Father did not even hint me on how long I was going to wait and so I have been waiting ever since.

In the beginning, it was tough. I was very anxious. Whenever I met anyone new my thoughts would start analyzing, ‘maybe this is the person’ or ‘I don’t think this is him’ or ‘this can never be the person.’ I was not rested on ‘the matter.’ I was also upset at God for ‘wasting my time’ because I reasoned that I was not getting younger and He ought to be considerate of this fact. The truth is I had stopped trusting God. I really did not think that He was capable enough to give me someone I would like let alone love and someone that could reciprocate that love. Hence, I spent up my energy trying to ensure that I found myself my ideal match. Needless to state, this was very foolish of me.

The amazing thing is when you come to the end of yourself, you truly find Him and this is the most beautiful place to be.

I finally arrived at the point where I had no strength to continue in distrust and had no choice but to trust Him. I think that if I had I trusted Him from the start, I might not have waited so long. However, on the flip side, the time I have spent being single, has been nothing short of awesome. I have had the opportunity to set precedence for several things I want to get done in life.  God used my time to teach me so many things, to train me to handle marriage right, to heal me from my past mistakes and to teach me the most powerful lesson ever, LOVE. I would not trade these years for anything.

Although I was learning and seeing God’s hand at work, I still was not willing to let go of ‘the matter.’ I still did not trust Him with giving me a mate. It’s amazing how we can trust God with everything but one thing which we keep aside because we think He is not qualified enough to handle it. The one who made marriage, not qualified to connect me with my mate? Quite ironic.

The good thing about God is that He is good. His nature does not change based on our human perceptions. God had to remind me just how precious I was to Him. The more conscious I was of His love, the more I could believe that He had everything under control. My temperament type could be quite controlling but I had to learn how to let God have that control instead and truly rest in Him.
Being at the point where we are truly resting in God, it’s easy to think we do not need anybody ever. You find people during these times, making a lot of “I am single and do not need anybody declarations. Yeah, I usually found myself on that train right until a serious bout of loneliness would hit me. It was during these times I would get angry with God and ask him why He was doing this to me, why did He not take these feelings away. Needless to state that was very foolish of me as well. The problem was not the existence of the feelings but the ability to gain perspective on the purpose of them as well as knowing how to handle them.

You see especially when you finally realize you are complete in Christ, it’s easy for you to think that you do not want to be with anybody and the world ain’t got nothing on you. However, those waves of loneliness that hit you only remind you that God is preparing you for someone and preparing someone for you. It creates a desire in you to want to be with this mate. When the time is right and this person is presented to you, the work which God has been doing in you both would be complete and this innate desire fulfilled.

Being single is not a crime for a punishment you committed in the past and no they did not curse you in your village. Everything just happens in its time.

One thing that has really helped me during these times is enjoying a love relationship with God. I decided to cultivate a love relationship with Jesus and learn to consciously see Him as my lover.
My single season has also taught me that God would never leave us comfortless. At times when I get lonely God sends encouragement to me through something I read or through a clueless friend. Other times it’s through a scripture or through the Holy Spirit reminding and reassuring me of His promise which would be fulfilled to me. It’s best to be sensitive to His comfort and more importantly be accepting of it.

God does not want to withhold from us that which He truly desires to give us any second more than necessary. Having this thought at the back of our minds is important to fighting the lies the devil tries to plant in our heads.

It may be tomorrow and it may not be tomorrow. It may be next month and it may not be next month. It may be next year or even still 5 years from now, the most important thing is to remember if God needs you married, He knows just how to get you married. So trust Him.

Study Scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:1

Love over fear.

Love Life and Marriage

Author, Script Writer and Blogger on love, life and marriages. I believe our society would be a healthier place when people honour the right perspective of marriage.